Mama's Musings

[Slow News] Slow Thought of the Day http://bit.ly/1Pd2yo

You gonna change the world, Mama

We have officially entered the tween years, those bittersweet days of little girl turned fire-breathing something or other turned little girl again. Just as you think you are about to hang her by her toes, my daughter does or says something that leads to redemption every time. And when I catch her at the right moment, there's downright love in her eyes.

This morning I awoke to the furious rantings of a ten-year-old whose father wasn't listening. In our adult way, we like to admonish, instruct and guide our young-uns towards, well, what we want them to do. Never mind we don't always do it ourselves.

No, you can't watch TV. Honey, where' the remote?

Because I said so. Now don't do what I'm about to do cuz, uh, it's not allowed.

I want you to come down here. Right. This. Minute. (Then we wonder when they use the same tone right back at us).

Sigh. So in my melodramatic half-sleep state (waving goodbye to the little REM I had acquired in a virtually sleepless night), I stomped down the stairs and into the corner where my daughter cowered with a blend of defiance and fright.

We battled in a weirdish Mom-not-awake way, then said goodbye in softer tones. By the time she had gotten home from school again, I knew she had taken a detour (again. And not allowed) via her old schoolhouse where her fourth grade teacher always listens to my daughter's concerns about getting a bad grade on her test.

She came home dragging her feet and announcing she had gotten a C- in biology. I ignored her for a moment, allowing her to hear herself before jumping in. Then I calmly asked her if she wanted salad. She appeared relieved that I wasn't addressing what she just had. I helped her print out a few pictures of cells for her science poster, then let her type up her text on her computer, something she loves to do.

"You know what, Mama," my daughter said in a wise-like (and not at all wise-a$$) tone. "Your new book** is gonna change the world. All those people are gonna step back and take a moment to actually think before they destroy the planet and themselves. I mean it. It's cool." Then she trounced off the hang up the wash without a single vitriolic huff, leaving me with my mouth agape at the transformation, and the trust, my daughter just displayed.

**Book events calendar here.

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Book Review - Stand By Her: a Breast Cancer Guide for Men

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I will admit I have paid less attention to the issue than I should.

It took me a while to pick up this book that the folks at Amacom sent me. I'd like to claim it was because I had other priorities: a few TV show tapings; a sick child; a book tour to prepare for. Deep down I felt an acute sense of fear and denial about the subject. When I finally cracked the cover of John W. Anderson's Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men, I realized procrastinating about one's health is the worst thing you can do.

In his case, he had four women very close to him (his mother; his wife; his sister and his mom's best friend) who had breast cancer. His wife, Sharon, to whom he dedicates the book, happened to be working on a show about breast cancer awareness for Lifetime when she decided to get a 'quick' mammogram. Lucky for her, she did so just in time.

While there are quite a few resources for women about how to handle the battle against breast cancer, John lovingly offers his advice to his fellow man. With one in eight American women being told she has breast cancer every year, there are bound to be a few men affected, too. His book goes through the color of the rainbow, assigning colors to each of the stages of the 'war' against cancer. Émploying a very masculine tone, he calls the breast cancer patient the Commander-in-Chief who gets to tell everyone else what to do. It is extremely empowering to hear a man abdicate control and advocate listening as the very best thing he can do.

I also found it refreshing to read his advice about not asking what can be done, but simply doing it so your wife/girlfriend does not have to think for you. He advises sons to simply do the task instead of just offering to help. Although you are affected, this is not about you, he states.

I am extremely grateful for having read his book for its wisdom and devotion to teaming with your partner as you both enter what he calls Cancer Land. The key to navigating its territory is to stand by her with the tools the author lays out until the battle is won.

For more information, visit http://www.standbyher.org.

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